May Slut Of The Month: Ev’Yan Whitney

Our May Slut of the Month is sexuality doula Ev’Yan Whitney, who spreads the slut-positive gospel of Sex Love Liberation through her blog and coaching service of the same name. After documenting her own struggles with sexual self-acceptance and erotic redemption through deeply personal writing on the subject, Ev’Yan didn’t just take her newfound freedom and run, but instead dedicates her days to midwifing other women through the same process. We had the pleasure of digging into sex positive politics, slut icons and sexual awakenings on her podcast last month, so it seemed only natural to return the questions to her and feature this sexual healer on our most slut-positive platform.

You’ve been on your own somewhat public journey to sexual acceptance, which includes embracing the word “slut.” What did the word used to mean to you, and what does it mean to you now?

I had two very opposing experiences with the word slut growing up. On the one hand, I knew that “slut” was a dirty word that referred to bad girls who gave themselves up to sexual temptation, something I was strongly encouraged against by my parents and Protestant upbringing. On the other hand, and especially in high school, the label “slut” was a coveted social and sexual status. The slut had sexual power; she made all the boys go crazy; she got a lot of attention. And as an awkward, lanky black girl, I craved that attention and sense of belonging. So for much of my teen years, I wrestled with that contradiction. I was taught to fear the slut and my own sexuality, but at the same time I was also very entranced by the idea of promiscuity. I tried to be promiscuous, to sort of try on that identity for size, which put me in some very uncomfortable and unsafe situations with boys and grown men. That essentially scared me away from dabbling in it further and reinforced the ideas and beliefs I was given originally about sluttiness being sinful and disturbing.

I’m coming back to sluthood now for a couple of reasons, the biggest one being that I want to heal this notion inside of me that says my sexuality can only be validated by the hands of a man. In high school and well into my early twenties, my sexuality never really belonged to me. It belonged to my male peers, to my boyfriends, to my husband. And lately I’ve begun to challenge that notion, to come to a sense of sexual agency and power that I never thought I had access to. The word “slut” is helping me step into that more fully, and one of the more tangible ways I’m exploring that is by taking nude selfies, which is helping me both take up space with my sexual body and take my erotic power back from the hands of the male gaze.

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So today, to be a slut means to be a sexually liberated woman—something I’ve been on a mission to be for the last six years. It means a woman unto herself. And by claiming that word for myself, I’m celebrating my sexuality and also challenging respectability politics and other narratives around who I am as an erotic woman.

Sex Love Liberation began as a blog chronicling your experiences, but then transformed into a coaching practice to help other women. What does it mean to be a “sexuality doula,” and how have you helped other women explore their sexuality in more honest, shame-less ways?

As a sexuality doula, my job is to help facilitate, educate, and empower women who are wanting to step out of sexual shame and into their erotic power on their own terms. Basically, women come to me because they’re sick of feeling dysfunctional about sex and their sexuality, and they want to create new narratives and beliefs around who they are as sexual women. And I help them do that by giving them a safe space for them to explore themselves and their desires, by challenging limiting beliefs and ideas they’ve been subscribed to for years that’ve been keeping them from being sexually free, and by giving them tools and resources to keep them on their own journey of sexual awakening.

Most people know of coaching (or even counseling) to be this stiff, emotionally distant dynamic, but when I’m on the phone with a client, I’m totally chill and down to earth. Some people have said that talking to me is like talking to a long lost bestie. There’s already so much dogma and taboo and silence around sexuality, and I want to make sure that people feel really comfy when talking to me, like we’re just shooting the shit. Because when they get comfortable, that’s when the magic begins to happen.

I absolutely love my work! It’s incredibly rewarding to watch these women step out of these really big, dark beliefs about sexuality—like that it’s dirty or sinful, or that their desires are frivolous—and step into a new story that helps them bloom into sexual, sensual beings.

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Can you share any of the positive experiences you’ve had in your coaching practice?

Ah, there’s so many! I’ve helped women straight up leave long-term relationships that hindered the spectrum of their sexuality. I’ve had some women unlock deep-rooted shame associated with sex that was handed down to them from families in strict religious beliefs (a couple of my clients have been recovering Evangelical Christians). I’ve even had women who started off being very shy and modest, but were so transformed by the work that we did that they go off and become sexual liberators of their own—so, sex workers or erotic athletes or sex therapists. When I give my clients permission to find and be themselves sexually, other things begin to fall into place for them. I find that so badass!

Who are your “slut icons” and why?

Rihanna is at the top of my list. She is the baddest bitch, has a very “take no shit” attitude, and I love that she’s almost always braless. I also love FKA twigs who exudes both sexual power and a witchy mystique, but she’s still soft and in her feelings. Oh, and Nicki Minaj, because she’s always bragging how bomb her pussy is and makes it a point to speak about the importance of her pleasure. On any given day, I’m channeling one of these women.

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Have you received any pushback by being so open about your sexuality on the internet? How have your friends and family responded to your work?

In the beginning, when I was transitioning from a safer, more “respectable” writing gig (I was a fashion blogger for a number of years before I started SLL), some people were really bothered. My family especially. I wrote this one essay in the first year of starting my work where I came out as bi, and both of my parents called me that week, telling that they were concerned for my soul and that they were going to pray for me. And then my dad told me that I should be ashamed of myself for writing about sex and extolling porn as a perfectly OK tool for women to use to get off, because I’m helping lead people astray. It’s hard to hear those things, especially when your parents say that you’re going to hell. But things have leveled out. As far as I know, neither of my parents follow my work because it triggers them, which is both a relief and a little sad, because I’m very proud of my work and what I do, and I want for them to accept me as I am. But I get that they might not want to hear about the orgasm I had the other night, ha!

Oh, and I’m definitely getting some pushback on Instagram from the nude selfies I’m taking. I lose several followers with every nude I post, and the other day, I got my first Instagram “you have violated our policy” takedown which really annoyed me at first, but then I felt really delighted by it. I felt like I unlocked a slut achievement, and I took a screenshot of it and saved it to my phone.

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What’s one tip you suggest to anyone trying to reclaim a healthy sense of sexual expression?

Apart from subscribing to my blog, I’d say start by analyzing all the harmful beliefs you have about sexuality, then think about all the new beliefs you want to have about your sexuality that steer you toward freedom and empowerment. And try to surround yourself with as much sex positivity as you can. You cannot be what you can’t see, and it’s so important to have some muses to keep your inspired as you’re exploring and reclaiming sexual freedom.

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I am: Ev’Yan Whitney, a.k.a., a Boss Ass Bitch.

By Day: I’m helping to empower women out of sexual shame with heartfelt prose and intimate one-on-one work.

By Night: I’m twerking in the kitchen and telling my man how bomb my pussy is.

My Vices: Crystals, natural hair tutorials, sexy femmes, and La Croix.

My Virtues: I’m a healer and an empath, and I will love you down.

The Present: Working to empower myself to become even more sexually free; stepping back into witchery as a spiritual practice and identity; wearing less and going out more (for real).

The Future: A successful business where I’m getting that cash, a better shoe collection, hair down to my nipples, and maybe (hopefully) an orgy.

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Favorite Flavor: Citrus.

Favorite Feeling: Right after orgasm, when my whole body is warm and buzzing and I feel like a goddess.

Favorite Fabric: Silk and anything sheer.

Substance is: Depth.

Style is: When the essence of your inner self is materialized into the physical world.

Slut is: A sexually liberated woman, someone who completely owns her erotic self, who loves her sexual body, and gives herself permission to express and actualize her desires however she chooses.

3 thoughts on “May Slut Of The Month: Ev’Yan Whitney

  1. Oh my god, I feel so empowered by the idea of this. i have been telling all of my friends to follow suit I believe that being a slut should be as much as a sexual identity as being straight or gay. It’s my being

  2. That girl has some bravery in her to come up in the open and admiting that she is a slut. I dont know, I could admit the same thing if I was like her. One thing is for sure every women enjoy the hot feeling after the orgasam.

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