February Sluts of the Month: Corinne & Krystyna

Guys We Fucked is a wickedly funny podcast by New York comedians Corinne Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson that’s light on the rhetoric and heavy on the no-holds-barred sex talk. If ever there was an antidote to slut-shaming in aural form, this is it. From well-deserved critiques of former sex partners to illuminating discussions about feminism, female desire, and sexual snafus, there is nothing these women won’t tackle on air. They’ve been blowing up as of late, so we’re incredibly pleased they agreed to grace our pages as a Slut of the Month duo.

You’ve frequently discussed sexism in the comedy world. Has the show put the fear into some of the guys you’ve worked with to make them think twice about being outwardly sexist around you?

CORINNE: I have a huge “problem” with men being intimidated by me. I always have. The podcast has certainly not helped with that, but also, who cares? I can’t have men in my life who fear a strong woman, that’s a waste of my time. As far as fellow comics being less sexist? The gents I call my friends are not sexist and the male comics that are sexist don’t get it, anyway. Those are the guys still telling jokes along the lines of, “Take my wife…PLEASE!” But, these are comics we’re talking about, so, if anything, the ones we love just bust our balls (labia) more about everything since the podcast launched. And that’s fine. That’s the weird thing that bonds us, that Friars Club mentality of only roasting the ones you love. I always say I am a comic first and a woman second. Comedy is always the most important thing to me. Everyone knows where I stand on feminism, but that certainly doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be made fun of for it. Of course I should. It’s when things get too precious that they become unbearable.

KRYSTYNA: I don’t think so. The sexism I’ve experienced didn’t come from fellow comedians as much as it came from audience members. If a male comic says something outwardly sexist to me, 99% of the time it’s obvious he’s making a joke. I’m of the mindset that any topic can and should be made fun of in a smart way and I’m only offended by a sexist joke if it isn’t funny. If it is funny, let ’em rip! The worst thing that was ever said to me was from a comedy club barker trying to sell tickets to a nearby show. As I walked by him, he asked if I’d like to purchase tickets and I said, “No thanks, I’m actually a performer.” To which he responded, “What, are you like a stripper or something?”

Have you always been crusaders for sex positive feminism? 

CORINNE: I have never and will never refer to myself as a “crusader”. I’m a mouthy girl from New Jersey who has always been strong, comfortable in her own skin and at peace with her (hyper)sexuality. The only difference is now I have half a million people listening to my innermost thoughts and I only hope that some of my 13-mirrors-in-my-room self-confidence can rub off on anyone around the world who might need it. I’ve got plenty to go around, believe me. Or ask my mom. Hi, Mom! Love you!!

KRYSTYNA: I personally have not, but that is kind of you to say! When I was in high school and college I had no idea what I was doing in the sex department. I gave into peer pressure and I let other people make me feel like shit about my sexual decisions. I did things just so boys would like me, and I tried to be someone I wasn’t more times that I care to admit. Corinne and I started the podcast with two goals in mind: be funny and be honest. That has always been the mindset from the start and we apply that to every project we do. Luckily it worked and as a result, people are calling us things like “crusaders.” It’s very flattering but if you think about it, it’s just a result of us being shockingly honest and genuine (and funny and charming and adorable and wonderful). Also, Corinne is a much stronger person than I am in terms of self-esteem, so I’ve also picked up a lot of lessons from seeing the way she lets people treat her. It’s very impressive!

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What’s in your purse right now?

CORINNE: I’m one of those chicks who has like 6 different purses and constantly switches between them. So, right now, they are all empty because I just dump them out when I come home. But, I’m pretty minimal in the purse department. Nine times out of ten the contents are as follows: comedy notebook and pen, Loungefly skull & crossbones wallet, earbuds, gum, phone charger, keys and then the touch-up essentials for whatever make-up is on my face at the time (usually I just pack up the powder, eyeliner and lipstick…and then never do a touch-up). Oh, also like a ton of hair elastics. They fall out every time I open my bag. I wish I could say I carried around cool shit, but I really don’t. NYC makes you become a practical bitch in the purse department.

KRYSTYNA: My shitty, ripped Urban outfitters wallet. Red Lime Crime lip gloss (best lip gloss in the history of lip glosses, PS!). A lighter. A broken cigarette. Metrocard. A folded up picture of the female cast members of Saturday Night Live. A movie stub to Inherent Vice (horribly disappointing, don’t even bother). Pens. One of my fifty comedy notebooks. iPhone charger.

Who are your slut icons?

CORINNE: Ha. I don’t actually use the word slut unless I’m describing myself, but my sexually explorative icons are the Spice Girls. They always have been and always will be because they were a group of sexual women who were really there for the girls’ enjoyment, not the guys’ enjoyment and that made them so much hotter. They are the type of girls who WOULD wear the sexy lingerie to an all-girl sleepover and not think of it as a “waste”. How can you not fucking love that mentality?

KRYSTYNA: I am a diehard Beyonce fan until the end of time. I’m not a woman who is good at owning her sexuality in terms of looking sexy and she is the master of this. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are two of my favorite women on the planet. The raging lady boner I get when I see either of them speak could move mountains. Other icons that I don’t think have ever been called sluts (but I could be wrong because hey, internet comment sections are a thing): Amelia Earhart and Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

If you could have anyone on your show in 2015, who would your ultimate guest be?

CORINNE: Definitely my two most serious ex-boyfriends because they’ve had a huge impact on not only my sexuality, but on my career. And then celebrity-wise, I’d really like to sit down and talk to Dane Cook about what woman done him wrong ‘cause, listen, my mom drove my brother and I from Union, New Jersey to Boston in 2006 to see him during his Vicious Circle tour, but he has been on a slut-shaming spree lately and I just need to get to the bottom of it.

KRYSTYNA: Bill Cosby. It would never ever ever ever happen but holy shit, how great would that be? If Bill Cosby sat in a room with us and we could be like, “So tell us why you like drugging and raping women?” and he HAD to respond? He’s a monster for doing what he did and so many people have looked up to him for so long that no one wants to admit he has this side to him. I’m fascinated by this type of denial that comes along with fame. Also, no one likes to try and take a look inside the mind of a person who does something bad. They just deem him/her horrible and are done with it. I want to understand what makes people tick, ESPECIALLY people who do awful things. That way, you can pinpoint where the influence to be horrible came from and hopefully prevent it from happening in the future or at the very least, be able to recognize warning signs.

Have you had male fans try to fuck you yet?

CORINNE: On Twitter. They’re all too pussy to try in real life.

KRYSTYNA: We’ve had some dick pics sent to our email (sorryaboutlastnightshow@gmail.com) but no one has tried to outwardly fuck us. Well, I should say no one has tried to outwardly fuck me. I’m very vocal on the podcast about having a boyfriend and loving him to pieces.

Is there a “sisterhood of sleazy comics” in NYC? Or is it just you guys against the world?

CORINNE: LOL is that the new Kesha album? I’m not sleazy at all, but as far as being sexually empowered…I think it’s about half and half in the female comedy world as far as traditional versus progressive in the sexuality department. Comedians are stereotypically pretty liberal, forward-thinking people. We have a slew of problems rampant in our community, but being backward prudes isn’t one of them.

KRYSTYNA: Other female comics talk about the same things we talk about on the podcast, but in private. Like a normal person! We’ve taken that conversation and put it on a much larger platform, but I always talk to fellow comedians (male and female) about sex stuff.

Have your views about sex always been a part of your standup acts even before the podcast? If so, can you reveal what some of your early bits were?

CORINNE: I’ve always talked about exactly what was happening to me in my real life on stage so sex and sexuality have certainly always been present in my set. I think I talk about it more now, but only because it keeps becoming a larger and larger part of my life and something that I think about often and do a lot of research on. One of the earlier sex bits I can remember is how I accidentally found my ex-boyfriend’s (yes, that one) porn folder on his computer because he had entitled it “NON-ESSENTIAL DOCUMENTS” which still makes me laugh to this day.

KRYSTYNA: Ever since I started dating my boyfriend, I’ve been doing “my boyfriend used to date a famous porn star” bits because that is comedy gold. Before him, I didn’t really talk about sex a lot on stage. I didn’t try to avoid it or anything, it was just never a real source of humor to me until old ExPornDater McGhee came along.

What are your favorite and least favorite parts about fucking and dating in NYC?

CORINNE: The best part is the options; it’s an all-you-can eat flesh buffet up in this mutha. Apart from that, I think fucking and dating here is either WAY too intense or just void of all meaning. Because we live in a city where we are so short on space (and most times, money), people end up shacking up a lot sooner than I think is healthy and there seems to be a real trend in serial monogamy. There are basically three types of people here: serial monogamists (people who have always just found ‘THE ONE’), serial fuckers (people who always have a chick or dude with them, but you can obviously tell it’s a human being used as a prop) and serial loners (people who seem to have a legitimate fear of intimacy…oh, they fuck, but they always arrive at the party solo)…and then there’s this small sprinkling of people in healthy relationships. Even though I think the phrase healthy relationship is an oxymoron when referring to a relationship that is romantic.

KRYSTYNA: Favorite Parts: Being surrounded by so many artistic, intelligent, forward thinking men and having things to do on a date other than just go to a bar. Least Favorite Parts: There are a lot of dipshits out there that sell themselves well, but are really pieces of shit inside. Sometimes it takes a while to finally realize that and although it’s a learning experience, it can also be incredibly disheartening.

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I am:
CORINNE: doing this interview in my underwear.
KRYSTYNA: Krystyna Motherfucking Hutchinson, y’all!!

By Day:
CORINNE: I help rich people relax.
KRYSTYNA: A comedian.

By Night:
CORINNE: I am doing exactly what I should be doing.
KRYSTYNA: Also a comedian but with more makeup.

My Vices:
CORINNE: fast food, boys (esp bad news ones like Marilyn Manson), beds & doggies.
KRYSTYNA: Popcorn. I eat at least one bowl a day and I won’t share with anyone, not even children or the elderly.

My Virtues:
CORINNE: I am more me than probably anybody you know.
KRYSTYNA: Sometimes, if see a person crying on the street I’ll go up to them and tell them a joke. It rarely works, but the thought is there.

The Present:
CORINNE: is finally a place I have learned to live in.
KRYSTYNA: Is something I need to pay more attention to.

The Future:
CORINNE: is a daydream that’s becoming a reality that constantly makes me happy cry when I’m at the gym running on the treadmill.
KRYSTYNA: Is something I need to be more relaxed about.

Favorite Flavor:
CORINNE: Usually whatever the green thing is. Lime, green apple. I always go for the green.
KRYSTYNA: Popcorn.

Favorite Feeling:
CORINNE: Making somebody laugh. It’s a serious addiction.
KRYSTYNA: Laughing until I cry.

Favorite Fabric:
CORINNE: Crushed velvet. Is there really anything more luxurious? And it also reminds me of one of my favorite songs (‘Black Velvet’ by Alannah Myles).
KRYSTYNA: Cotton.

Substance is:
CORINNE: something to always keep in mind when creating your art, whatever kind of art that is. The kind of people you want on your side can smell bullshit a mile away.
KRYSTYNA: Whiskey (I feel like that’s not the answer you’re  going for, but that’s what came to mind).

Style is:
CORINNE: not just what you’re wearing, but how you’re wearing it. It’s not your outfit, it’s your very essence.
KRYSTYNA: When a stylish old lady passes away and her children donate all of her clothes to The Salvation Army Thrift Store and you happen to walk in right as they get put on the rack and it’s the most amazing feeling ever because her dresses fit you perfectly and no one makes clothing like that anymore.

Slut is:
CORINNE: a word often served with a side of hate by people who are repressed beyond belief.
KRYSTYNA: What people usually call a woman when either A) They’re jealous over how great she looks and all the sex she’s having or B) She won’t sleep with you.

Photos: Dee Guerreros