Cougars: A Feminist’s Perspective

We have begrudgingly accepted the patriarchal bullshit society has shoved down our throats for ages — including the ever-so-common 40+ year old man dating a 20 year old woman. Though, I’ll admit when I see 60+ year old men with 20 somethings, I cringe because we all know there are likely zero chances their connection is based on love. Most of the time it’s evident that their union is based on monetary gains since men have long been considered the “well-endowed” provider (and more so with age). Nowadays this is less common with the rise of women taking more empowered roles in relationships, families, and more importantly, careers. Women who have status and money are not only more accepted in our culture today, but they are also celebrated and recognized, as in Forbes‘ “The World’s 100 Most Powerful Women.” Of the 100 women listed, only 30% would be considered a cougar because it’s not just about status and money, it’s also about appearance. So what exactly is a cougar?

While researching, I noticed many articles stating that a cougar is considered to be a woman having a mid-life crisis. Isn’t that a cute assumption? Hardly! We don’t know what happened to these women who are now “cougars.” Maybe their husbands cheated on them or they had an abusive lover. Or maybe not. It is never a good idea to assume that a woman is going through a mid-life crisis just because she drives a nice car, has financial stability, knows how to look good, and dates a younger man at the same time.

By definition, a cougar is a woman in her 40’s or above who is either divorced or single with a stable career and either had plastic surgery to enhance her looks while fighting gravity or has aged beautifully without the help of Dr. 90210. The phenomenon first started out with the MILF: Mom I’d like to fuck. Then it gradually transitioned into cougar which gives the concept a wildly dignified essence. Some people consider 30+ women to be cougars and in fact this is more common than you’d think. I have even been called a cougar which is an incorrect usage of the term since I’m not single and I’m not rich, and I would not call my friends who are 30+ cougars just because they are fierce and hot. If you do call a hot 30+ year old woman who has her shit together any kind of term, make sure it is the correct one. In this case it would be puma. Pumas are an offshoot of cougar with a similar definition only geared towards 20+ and 30+ women.

There is much more to a cougar than meets the eye. The term was coined mainly because the cougar is on the prowl for a younger man. Many cougars are on public dating sites because it’s a very specific type of courting. Her profile reads “Single, 42, Pisces, Top dog at Vitra Insurance Company, Non-smoker, Has dogs, Likes feeling the wind in my hair with the top down driving my corvette, Seeking thrills and excitement with a similar mind — preferably 23 in graduate school.” The cougar knows exactly what she wants and usually gets it. She’s a nurturer as well. With a younger guy at her side she feels both sexy and sometimes motherly because she takes care of her budding beau. Whether it’s picking up the tab at the bar, or buying him a new suit, the cougar loves to shower her man with pleasure and presents. We know the obvious reason for these younger men to be attracted to cougars, but some guys like a seasoned woman that is put together and has a good head on her shoulders. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Traditionally, women have been cast as sensitive and fragile. Cougars break that mold and are well-equipped with beauty and brains, not to mention clits of steel. If a middle-aged woman wants to date a younger guy, so be it. As a feminist, I view cougars as motivated women who know what they want and because of their experiences in life, have so much more to offer than any 21 year old girl could offer a man. To me, cougars are just as sexy and just as youthful. The only difference is they have built their life already and have a vehement character, know who they are and have accepted their shortcomings as well as what they have to offer the world.

My message to all you divine cougars out there: Drive your Corvette! Get your botox! And catch your prey! Happy hunting ladies!