For all the sex positive ladies out there who want to party responsibly and support the talents and hustle of their stripper sisters with respect — but aren’t quite sure how to do so — we thought we’d contribute our own joint to the growing genre of strip club deportment literature. For our Slutist-approved guide, we consulted the experts so you don’t have to. Granted, it’s not a stripper’s job to educate her customers on proper behavior — and every dancer and establishment does have its own unique rules — so we greatly appreciate the input of those who agreed to be part of this piece.
Props to Jacq The Stripper (who already wrote her own most excellent guide), Summer Wine, and Morgan Claire Sirene for offering up their sage advice on how to patronize a strip club like a boss bitch. We’ve collected their comments together along with a few partwarming er, heartwarming tales of the gracious female clientele they’ve encountered over the years. If you follow their tips (and always remember to tip!), you, too, might one day be memorialized as a lady-customer-who-wasn’t-an-asshole.
1. WHAT NOT TO DO
Jacq: Women often project how they *think* men act in strip clubs. Which goes to say that female patrons treat strippers how they are treated by men. And sometimes it’s really. shitty. This is sad, and it bums me the fuck out. A lot of women think the rules don’t apply to them because they are women. They think that because they are women, they get to touch and spank and grab… and it’s not okay. So if you want to be a dope-ass-lady-patron, look around. What are other people doing? Are they watching politely? Are they keeping their hands to themselves? If they are (spoiler alert – THEY ARE!) follow suit. The way you show your appreciation is with money. Not hands. Not screams. And please dear god not by dancing. Unless you’re a stripper, don’t dance at the strip club. It’s annoying, embarrassing, and you’re probably doing it in the middle of a heavily trafficked thoroughfare that we need to have kept clear so we can get to stage in time.
Summer Wine: If strip clubs aren’t your thing, don’t go! No need to prove anything to your wo/man. No need to work out your issues and insecurities on strippers. If you’re insecure about your relationship or about your body, it’s not our fault! Don’t take your issues out on us! If your wo/man is pressuring you to be open about other girls, then s/he sounds like a player to me and you might consider leaving her/him. It has nothing to do with us the strippers!
Morgan Claire Sirene: It’s important to think about consent first of all. Part of being a stripper is touching and flirtation, but that’s up to the dancer to initiate it. It’s never okay to slap a random woman’s ass, unless she gives you consent. That seems like a no brainer but don’t slap strippers’ asses. Some may like it, but you will most likely end up making someone feel unsafe and uncomfortable.
2. WHAT TO DO
Jacq: I’d definitely recap the three tips from my piece “How to be a Dope-Ass Lady Patron at a Strip Club” for this one:
Summer Wine: Have a good attitude! For Christ’s sake, strippers are working. We are generally not after your wo/man. We pay to work and we just want money and no drama. There’s no need to hate. We know the whole thing is ridiculous, so just grab a drink and have fun!
Morgan Claire Sirene: TIP! And tip WELL and don’t just tip the girls who you think are doing the best job — everyone’s favorite customer is the one who is nice to everyone regardless of how attractive or skilled they are. I think sometimes women see themselves as beneficial to a club, like their presence is a good enough addition that they aren’t obligated to tip and that’s just not true. Dancers work for tips, and it’s super unfeminist to leave a woman on the job hanging. This goes for tipping servers and bartenders too but…that’s another bag to unpack.
3. THE BEST FEMALE CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE
Jacq: The best experiences I’ve had with female clients are the ones who are respectful. One time I danced for some hot married ladies who had matching boob jobs. It was really hot having a woman ask me, (with a huge smile on her face) “will you dance for my wife?” After I danced for her, she asked me the same question so I danced for the other wife. They were beautiful and chill and really that’s all I need to have a good time. You don’t even have to be hot. I don’t care if you’re hot. I care that you respect me, pay me, and that you don’t stink.
Summer Wine: Sometimes you get really sweet girls and really sweet couples, straight and lesbian. There was one young woman in with her boyfriend and friends, white kids, you could tell they were upper middle class. I didn’t think I would be their “type” since they were so clean cut, like Abercrombie looking, because I have a big booty lol. We did a few lap dances together and I really enjoyed it because she was really open-minded and I felt like we really connected and that I was part of a milestone in her young life. She really trusted me and let herself be vulnerable and you could tell her boyfriend wasn’t a douche.
Morgan Claire Sirene: I gave a woman her first lap dance, she was really tiny and so I was really gentle with her and stroked her hair lovingly and stuff. She had her boyfriend sit behind us and she kept saying how amazing it was, she was just bursting with excitement. She asked if she could kiss me because she had no idea what the rules were. Obviously that didn’t happen, but it was very sweet and endearing.
Image credit: Jacq The Stripper as drawn by Morgan Claire Sirene for the upcoming Slutist Tarot <3