PolicyMic put out a great list of 17 Lies We Need to Stop Teaching Girls About Sex. Here’s 17 more Slutist-approved lies that we think are equally damaging to young women’s sexuality!
1. Your “first time” will be one of your most meaningful sexual experiences
In her PolicyMic article, Julianne Ross talks about the Virginity Myth and our cultural obsession with female purity. That links up with the idea of a very special “first time” filled with romance and love and magic, because if your first time isn’t meaningful, then you’re wasting your one true claim to power, right? WRONG. Some first sexual experiences are completely forgettable, awkward, and/or boring. It isn’t your one and only shot at sex and it doesn’t have to define you.
2. Monogamous relationships are the ideal kind
One of the most insidious lies that we are enculturated to believe from early childhood. Explore your options. Don’t assume monogamy in a relationship unless you discuss it first. See: The Ethical Slut if one-on-one sexing got ya down.
3. Condoms prevent STIs
Not always, unfortunately. See the CDC’s page on Herpes: “Correct and consistent use of latex condoms can reduce the risk of genital herpes. However, outbreaks can occur in areas that are not covered by a condom.”
4. Sexual reciprocity is required if you want guys to like you
Sex is too subjective to make rules as to who has to do what to whom. Keep it open. Make your own requirements. Don’t do what you don’t feel comfortable doing. But sometimes, if you try it, you’ll like it…
5. The Walk of Shame is real
Only if you let it be. One night stands aren’t for ‘sluts’, and if you had a good time, ain’t no shame. Lots of people wear the same thing two days in a row. Some women even spend hours mimicking post-sex hair and smudgy makeup and you just got it all for FREE.
6. If you dress provocatively, you have to put out or it’s ‘false advertising’
An entire movement was built around this deadly concept. See: Slutwalk Manifesto.
7. Guys are supposed to make the first move
If this is true, then you might be waitin’ a loooooooong time. Grab a piece of the action yourself if you’re impatient to get it on (as long as he’s receptive). Some dudes are too shy or afraid of being rebuffed or being called out for sexually inappropriate behavior to do IT.
8. Size matters
Not in the way you think it does. There’s penis size and then there’s the much less discussed vagina size. It takes 2 (or 3 or 4 or 5) to actually assess what you’re working with.
9. Anal sex is supposed to hurt
Not if the goddess of anal sex education Tristan Taormino has anything to say about it! Ladies, see: The Ultimate Guide To Anal Sex For Women.
10. Women can’t sexually harass men
You CAN overstep your boundaries and make a guy feel uncomfortable. He doesn’t deserve to be treated sub humanly because you’ve experienced it from others. See: Misandry.
11. Sex ends with the male orgasm
Worst lie ever! Sex shouldn’t be defined teleologically. There doesn’t have to be a codified beginning and middle leading up to a big explosive END.
12. Only women have vaginas
Thanks to Ross for reminding us that all females aren’t born with vaginas. In addition, just because you HAVE a vagina does NOT mean you are a woman. See our favorite activist/actor: Buck Angel.
13. Sexually promiscuous people get STIs
Sad to say, you can get an STI from one time and one time only. And if you do have one, don’t let the stigma kill the mood for you. Your sex life is NOT automatically over.
14. BDSM is for mentally unstable, damaged people
Despite its horrible writing and storyline, 50 Shades of Gray is causing a bit more acceptance of BDSM in popular culture. It’s not just for ‘freaks’ and ‘weirdos’ anymore, kids!
15. You can’t be a feminist and be submissive
This is a tricky one. Feminism teaches women to stand up for themselves and fight against patriarchal oppression, so many feminists feel submissiveness just replicates a role women are forced into from birth. That may apply in every day life, but in sex, the rules are different. There’s no shame in wanting to be dominated, and it can be done in an ethical way where no one is disempowered. Feminist pornographer and author Madison Young frequently lectures and writes about the ways in which BDSM is more feminist than ‘regular’ sex because there are required discussions surrounding ground rules, fantasies, and comfort levels before any sex act occurs.
16. Your sexual thoughts are your sexual desires
Your brain has a mind of its own (ha ha). But seriously, don’t waste your time feeling guilty about sexual thoughts of any kind. Just because you have a sexual thought doesn’t necessarily mean you have to act on it, nor does it have to define what you will actually pursue in real life.
17. Slut is a word men use to sexually police women
The problem is actually far worse. Women throw around slut as an epithet just as often (if not more) to punish and control other women’s behavior. At least every girl has the power to change this one.